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3 ways to regulate our emotions & communicate assertively


I've developed the 3Ei framework to frame client conversations and create confidence as they communicate with their family and colleagues. It centers around


  • Engaging

  • Educating

  • Expressing

our emotions so that we can achieve clarity.


This came about from my journey of evolving from emotional to emotionally intelligent.


Engaging our emotions

Most of us have been raised to avoid emotions and talking about them so my approach was to take an active and intentional step towards identifying my emotions so that I knew better each time I experienced a trigger. There are six primary emotions identified universally, and a combination of the six lead to 25 secondary emotions which can be further extrapolated and described in approximately 130 words so you get the idea. The closer we get to being specific with our emotions the more we can learn from it.


Educating our emotions + self

This stage starts after we have taken the time to identify and label our emotions, alongside the context. Only then are we able to extract information that can offer us insights into the root of our emotions experienced. It's been said that our emotions only need 90secs to dispel physiologically -yet many of us hold parties for our emotions and entertain them far longer than that. The key question is why?


One probable reason is the fact that we have been emotionally triggered so it may be wise for us to note the type of triggers we experienced so that we can be mentally better prepared to respond to them the next time it presents itself.



Expressing our emotions

I've never been a fan at bottling my emotions, because it never worked. Internalising our emotions by either speaking to someone about it or writing to process them may work for some. For many, the act of expressing the emotions in an assertive communication style works wonders. Here, it is a matter of gathering the courage to build a habit of sharing your feelings, plus the fact and the element of the future while communicating your thoughts and feelings to another person.

So it could look something like this

"I would like to share my thoughts on a certain matter.

I feel (a certain emotion) when

you did/said this (whatever fact applies).

In the future, I hope that you could look into/consider/explore alternatives/options/doing something different if this comes up again.

Would you be open to that or how do you feel about that?"


Do set aside some time to start engaging your emotions regularly.

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